im scared

Tell me a secret

I wrote this a while ago

Alright. I am officially SICK AND TIRED of excuses. So many. " I was beaten by my father, my mother died, I got laid off." You know what life says to excuses? SO WHAT!!! LIFE GOES ON!!! Excuses are destroying our country. We sit around and blame everyone else for our dang problems rather than take a look in the mirror and taking control of our own lives. What is the point of sitting around and making excuses when you could be out there DOING. Yes, you may have had an epically tragic life, wrought with sorrow and misfortune. For that...I am deeply sorry, because in an ideal world, nobody would suffer, there would be no pain, and we would know everything. Unfortunately for us, the world is a cruel place, filled with cruel people, and these cruel people are constantly trying to get ahead. They take advantage of the weak, and hurt the poor. They have no compassion for you, your neighbor, or anyone but themselves. It is precisely this group of people that divides us into your have's and have not's. There are two types of people in this world, and its not good or evil. Its the people that sit back and let life ride them, and the people that seize the reins and steer it where they want to go. So you got into a car accident yesterday. Are you really going to wake up and paint the day with negative emotions? Or are you going to get up and say "today is a new day, and it's what I make of it?" Humans have an awful habit of allowing their pasts to rule them. There is a REASON we sat through those boring history classes and memorized senseless dates till we went nuts: so we can learn from the past, accept it, and move on. Open yourself to what life has to offer TOMORROW, not what happened yesterday. Yesterday already happened, and you can never have it back. You've made your choice. Now you have to make a choice to either 1.) Dwell on choice 1 or 2.) Make another choice involving now, rather than then. Use choice 1 as a learning experience. You made it, and whether it was wrong or right, it is now a part of you, and you can take it and learn from it, or you can ignore the power of the information that you have obtained. My favorite quote is one that I first heard in the movie "Kung Fu Panda," and although I am sure they ripped the quote from somewhere else, I kinda like how I picked it up. "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, and thats why they call it the present." Carpe Diem mother effer. Seize the damn day before it seizes you, because if you let it, life will bend you over the table and take you for a ride.

If I can't handle your past, then I don't deserve your present or future. I love everything that makes you you...everything.

So the other day I passed a guy in a suit. He was standing outside my math class, looking all nice and carrying the suspicious green books. As he strode up with that confident smile I saw the books closer: Bibles! Oh boy...run away! "Son, can I interest you in the word of God?" I stared at him like he had just punched me in the face. "I-I have p-plenty of them, uh, thanks..." I managed to choke out. I walked away feeling kinda ashamed. Even if I had accepted that little plastic-bound book, I never would have read it. I can't stand those people. Well, 3 days ago I couldn't. You know those ranom little things in life, insignificant little choices and decisions, that turn our lives upside down? Well I had one. Recently! It's quite amazing when, like a giant coinstar, every little piece falls into place. What is God? Who? Where? Well I figured it out. God is the unanswered question that we all ask: why are we here? God is the variable. God is that unexplained force that unites everything. God is a name that we assign to something we don't understand. So is Allah, Nirvana, Valhalla, Zeus, Loki, the Force and so on. God is energy, pure, unadulterated energy. Every scripture on the Earth centers around the fact that the force that governs us all is omnipotent, everywhere at once. Well, anyone can write a work of fiction. But science, ah, science! With science, we can study the world objectively, through a microscope. Smaller than atoms, smaller than quarks, smaller than every particle, we are made of energy, pure energy. It unites us and connects everything. It is the one proven factor that each and every thing in the universe possesses. It provides a similarity between me and the couch I'm sitting on, and the house around me, the pulsing planet beneath my feet, and the burning sun keeping us all alive. Why can't that be God? Who says that the Christians are right? The Jews? The Muslims? They do. God is the most simple thing in this universe to understand...as long as you accept that we will never understand it, or control it. Humanity is driven by a need to control. Our desire to master the universe distorts our perception of the world. We struggle to understand something, and if we can't, we fear it. God is scary. The idea that we cannot and will not ever control something has terrified people for centuries. Look at the catholic church. The Romans attempted to seize control of a menace that threatened their power. So instead of adapting to include the positive ideals that this new religion brought, they tried to insert their own hold over it. "Hey, lets make a pope! We'll put someone in BETWEEN them and God so that we can get our cut!" The problems with religion have constantly been a reminder of human corruption. We make it our responsibility to master and control something that is so inherently simple that it becomes jaded and grotesque. When we accept goodness into our heart, we feel at ease. No, I don't mean "let God in." I mean listen to your heart. Beneath everything, humans are inherently good, save for a very very small percentile of people with literal problems with their brains. Our chromosomes hardwired the emotion of "guilt" into our brains so that we feel a little pang when we've done something wrong. Over time, that may disappear. But can you truly say that after a long day of dishonest work, you could actually come home satisfied? There is an invisible force inside us that both unites and governs us. Does heaven exist? Could Jesus turn water into wine? Did Zeus really turn into a bull and seduce a woman? Is Darth Vader out there somewhere? I can't say. But there is undeniable proof that if any of those things HAVE happened, we are all drawn together, and they are one and the same. So maybe that guy in a suit may not be willing to accept my views, but he's getting there in his own way, in his own boat. Its all the same after all.