Hooray for losing it...definitely just yelled into an empty car while sitting in my driveway for 20 minutes. I feel so effing USELESS sometimes. Even when I give something 130%, all it takes is a tiny little flick from an outside force and POOF! Back again. Man, it would be so easy to just say fuck it and forget it, but nope. I have to be a stubborn jackass about everything. Oh well. I'll sit here and stew in my pot of apathetic loser-ness by myself as usual, thank you very much. I'll get the fuck over it.

Frankly my dear, I'm scared out of my fucking mind.

I find it sad and pathetic that I let things like this get to me, but God dammit I'm scared. I feel like I'm on the edge of a knife, just waiting to fall off. And instead of getting up and trying to do something about it I sit here at my computer and rant into cyberspace to a blinking cursor, as if it will help. I just have this nagging feeling in my chest that something will go wrong. It has to. What have I done to deserve anything good in my life? What debt have I paid to society? More importantly, who gives a flying fuck? Son of a bitch. Why fucking bother.

On a better note, the one person that actually reads this self-absorbed nonsense happens to be the only person that grounds me to this world. Thank you.